Comedic female monologue for a women in her 20s to 30s. Written by William Missouri Downs.
This monologue really tickled my funny bone.
A woman about to have a quickie with a stranger she just met let him know that she wants more. She then describes the journey that she’d like their relationship to take in terms of the type of pulp fiction romance novel that she reads. What really made me laugh was how she talks about a deep love where she is cheating on the guy and how they raise their real children and loved children together. The way it was constructed where you hear about one affair, the details of which you’ll have to read the monologue to get but it is absolutely hilarious, and then it is conflated into multiple affairs but she will only learn about when she’s talking about how they lived a happy life together where they raise their children and love children. What I really love about the comedic handling here is with the simple selection of a plural noun “children” you immediately come to realize that the example affair is just one that she had enough they got over through their great love.
That’s just one example of the incredibly economical comedic gold they can process this monologue. This description is actually longer than a monologue so definitely head over and read it.
Find it on page 81 of 222 more comedic monologues.
The Monologue Show (From Hell)
Comedic female monologue, age 20s-30s. By Don Zolidis.
My favorite that I read this week. This one tickled me. I have some biases like I love pop culture references in comedic theatre when actually funny. This monologue’s use of Taylor Swift worked very well. It hit me with the same level of delight I remember feeling when I first read Christopher Durang as a young theatre student. Sincere bravo to Don Zolidis. Like Durang, this piece highlights a woman unhinged (think Durang’s “Laughing Wild” but more unhinged). Character is named Alyssa and speaks with a totally inappropriate level of joy for the unhinged “snowball effect” of criminal behavior she engages in at the mall. Rhythm in terms of humor feels like it could be as effective as the best standup’s rhythms. But, as any comedic theatre piece should, this is a charged theatrical moment; a distinction from the conversational meandering banter of standup. This is for the theatre. Energized, lots of notes and variety in emotion to play. Has a great build. Highly recommend!
Find it on page 79 of “222 More Comedy Monologues 2 Minutes & Under”
Mill Town Girls
Comedic female monologue, age 20s-40s. By Audrey Cefaly.
Fun. A teacher discovers the principle has been secretly listening in on conversations in the teachers lounge. Discovery was recent but doesn’t happen live within the monologue. Not clear what her objective is with the person she’s speaking to. It could be to build allies against the principle. What is at stake for her? Unclear. She is outraged and angry at her discovery, so that gives an actress some meat. She also had a little fun testing her hunch that he was listening in. Psychologists call it “duping delight.” That adds some texture and variety keeping the monologue multi-note.
Find it on page 78 of “222 fMore Comedy Monologues 2 Minutes & Under”
Merry Cougar Christmas 2
Monologue for a woman 60s to 80s by Daniel Guyton.
I liked this one though not quite as strong from a want/objective perspective as the first Merry Cougar Christmas monologue from the prior page (75) of the monologue collection. This one is more expository and contains some personal revelation (past tense, not discovered in the moment, though recently discovered) and emotional catharsis/release that will give you an opportunity to show off some acting chops. Basically, going after young men herself, she understands her late husband’s cheating with younger mistresses better. She feels released from taking it so personally as being about her shortcomings, and more about his fear of death. She is walking in his shoes now. The scene is fun, she’s still addressing Ethel as before, and they are at the mall. Also, little bit of good present action with Ethel; she still feels the need to justify herself (dating younger) to Ethel. She is still trying to gain Ethel’s understanding and lessen or even eliminate her judgements and negative thoughts about Sylvia’s youthful dating pool.
Find it on page 76 of “222 More Comedy Monologues 2 Minutes & Under”
Merry Cougar Christmas
Monologue for a woman 60s to 80s by Daniel Guyton.
I liked this one. Sylvia has a clear want - to live fully and embrace life. Age is a mindset and she’s hoping to date the age she feels: 27! Everything expository about her in this monologue is deftly tethered to Sylvia’s objective of shaking Ethel out of her despair at losing her husband and back into life with her. So we have the layer of what Sylvia wants for herself along with the present action of the monologue: working to affect a change in Ethel.
Find it on page 75 of “222 More Comedy Monologues 2 Minutes & Under”
Comedic female monologue for a woman 30s-40s. Author is Audrey Cefaly.
Has energy. She’s outraged. She surveys her neighborhood at Christmastime and accuses a man with a Virgin Mary statue of idolatry and he points her to another house with a flashing neon baby Jesus.
Likely laugh line when she observes the flashing lawn ornament “born TODAY.”
She’s sort of struggling with people in her community. With how they act. She wants them to act right (her idea of right). That friction, that tension which builds from outrage at one thing to more fuel on the fire greater outrage at the next. I like builds and energy rises in monologues.
Monologue is featured on page 74 of “222 More Comedy Monologues 2 Minutes & Under”
Love at 20
Monologue for young woman in her 20’s by Neil Labute. His dialogue is very natural, easy to speak. It’s about a young woman who is sleeping with her professor who is 20 years older. She’s gotten invested in him and their relationship. He’s cheating on his wife and claims he’s going to leave her. It’s obvious to us hearing her that she’s in denial about the seriousness and his level of commitment in the relationship.
This is interesting to watch. Everything by Labute I’ve found is “can’t look away” compelling. Like you’re watching these human train wrecks. You can see them heading for the cliff, but they can’t see it, they’re blind or cannot help themselves.
Monologue is featured on page 73 of “222 More Comedy Monologues 2 Minutes & Under”
Trista asks her best friend from 8th grade to be her maid of honor. Problem is, they haven't been friends since 8th grade.
Great comedic premise and well executed. Stakes are beautifully high with Trista desperate to have a friend be there for her as her maid of honor. Trista is socially clueless, unintentionally offending her 8th grade bestie at every turn.
Find this monologue for women in "105 Five-Minute Plays" within the play "Favor" by Christina Luzarraga.
Start the monologue on page 188 with the line "Anyway I invited you here because there's something I wanted to ask you." Cut interjection lines and finish on pg 189 with "...it was like you had an extra hand. Get it?"
"Pray first" famous speech
The small progress we have made after 4 or 5 weeks with each other - our different sentiments on almost every question, producing as many noes as ayes, is proof of the imperfection of the Human Understanding.
In this situation, groping in the dark to find political truth, how has it happened that we have not once thought of humbly applying to the Father of lights to illuminate our understanding?
In the beginning of the Contest with Great Britain, we had daily prayer in this room. Our prayers were heard, they were answered. To that we owe this opportunity of establishing our future nation. Have we now forgotten that powerful Friend? Do we imagine we no longer need His assistance?
I have lived a long time, and the longer I live, the more proof I see of this truth - that God Governs in the affairs of men. And if a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without His notice, is it probable that an empire can rise without His aid?
Without his aid we shall succeed in this political building no better than the Builders of Babel: We shall be divided by our partial local interests; our projects will be confounded, and we ourselves shall become a reproach down to future ages. And what is worse, mankind may hereafter from this unfortunate instance, despair of establishing Governments by Human wisdom and leave it to chance, war and conquest. I therefore beg that prayer imploring the assistance of Heaven be held in this Assembly every morning before we proceed to business.
I hope that every American, regardless of where he lives, will stop and examine his conscience. This Nation was founded by men of many nations and backgrounds. It was founded on the principle that all men are created equal, and that the rights of every man are diminished when the rights of one man are threatened.
Today, we are committed to a worldwide struggle to promote and protect the rights of all who wish to be free. Every American ought to have the right to be treated as he would wish to be treated, as one would wish his children to be treated. But this is not the case.
In a time of domestic crisis men of good will and generosity should be able to unite regardless of party or politics. This is not even a legal or legislative issue alone. Law alone cannot make men see right. We are confronted primarily with a moral issue. It is as old as the Scriptures and is as clear as the American Constitution.
The heart of the question is whether all Americans are to be afforded equal rights and equal opportunities, whether we are going to treat our fellow Americans as we want to be treated. This Nation, for all its hopes and all its boasts, will not be fully free until all its citizens are free.
We preach freedom around the world, and we mean it, and we cherish our freedom here at home, but are we to say to the world, and much more importantly, to each other that this is the land of the free; that we have no second-class citizens; that we have no class or caste system?
Now the time has come for this Nation to fulfill its promise. The fires of frustration and discord are burning in every city. Redress is sought in the streets, in demonstrations, parades, and protests which create tensions and threaten violence and threaten lives.
We face, therefore, a moral crisis as a country and a people. It cannot be left to increased demonstrations in the streets. It cannot be quieted by token moves or talk. It is a time to act in the Congress, in your State and local legislative body and, above all, in all of our daily lives. It is not enough to pin the blame on others, to say this a problem of one section of the country or another, or deplore the facts that we face. A great change is at hand, and our task, our obligation, is to make that revolution, that change, peaceful and constructive for all.
A daily monologue meditation.